Be Not Afraid

31 Days of Facing My Fears: Day 26 Find Love, then Give it All Away

Yesterday, I found an old journal of mine, from the last few months when Mike and I lived in Colorado.  It was such an innocent time in my life:  I was yet to experience the sadness of miscarrying my first baby or the pain of the cancerous tumor growing in my chest.  I was yet to experience the happiness of carrying John Paul in my womb or the joy of holding him close to me for the first time.  I had no idea what was ahead of me, or how vastly my life was about to change.

And yet, by the grace of God, just before my first pregnancy and the time when I began to feel sharp pains in my chest, I wrote this:

“Do I really mean the words I pray?  Am I really ready to let go of everything except for You?  Can I really take up whatever cross you give me and follow You?  Show me how to pour myself out so that I am replaced completely by You.  Help me to ‘find love, then give it all away'”  (5-20-2010).

It’s hard for me to read those words without my eyes filling with tears.  Not because I believe God heard my prayer, and thus willed me to endure suffering, but because I know God heard my prayer, and thus poured His grace upon me.  And through His grace, He helped me grow closer to Him in my suffering.  He showed me abundant, undeserved love.

Now that I have had some time to recover from the physical and emotional trials of the past eight months, I am able to be thankful for how God heard my prayer and answered my cry.  I only pray that God would give me the grace to fulfill the last part of my prayer: give it [love] all away.  For I have indeed found love, in the unlikeliest of places, in the darkest of days, and in my most broken state.  I must now not only praise God in thanksgiving, but give back the love I have received-to Him, to you, and to everyone I meet.  However, I struggle to always be loving, not only to strangers, but to my own family.  So, knowing this about myself, I add this to my prayer:  God, help me become smaller and continue to fill me with Your presence, so that I might love everyone I meet as You do.

And I will continue to pray all those words everyday, even though they scare me.  If I had known what was to come, I’m not sure that I would have been able to pray with such fervent desire and trust.  Yet, God showed me how to combat pain and sadness by completely relying on Him in my time of need.  So, despite my fear of what other pain and sadness the future might bring, I trust that in whatever situation arises, God will once again pour His grace and love upon me.

Aspen Tree

My prayer for you today is that you are able to find love in the unlikeliest of places, in the darkest of days, and in your most broken state.  And when you find that love, that you might be filled with the strength of Christ, so that you are able to give it all away.

Listen to the beautiful Find Love, by Eef Barzelay

Don’t let hurricanes hold you back,
Raging rivers or shark attacks.
Find love, then give it all away.

Wrestle bears bring ’em to their knees.
Steal the honey from killer bees.
Find love, then give it all away.
Find love, then give it all away.

And use your tongue to untie the knots,
And dig for gold in the parking lot.
Find love, and then give it all away.
Find love, then give it all away.
Find love, then give it all away.

To support Eef Barzelay, check out his music on itunes here.

Thank you for joining me on my 31 day challenge!

Previous days:

Day 1: Be Not Afraid
Day 2: Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
Day 3 Keeping a Faithful Heart in Light of Suffering
Day 4: Facing Fears with Laughter
Day 5: Listening to My Heart
Day 6: Daring to Love Myself in Order to Love Others
Day 7: Opening Up My Idea of a Remarkable Life
Day 8: Giving Voice to My Fears
Day 9: Being a Bearer of Joy
Day 10 & 11: Give Everything
Day 12: Switching My Focus
Day 13: Reaching Out
Day 14 & 15: Letting Go
Day 16: Giving Voice to My Dreams
Day 17: Putting Fear into Action
Day 18: Clear Eyes, Full Heart
Day 19: Strength, Wisdom, Courage, and Clarity
Day 20-22: Facing the End of Things
Day 23: Showing Delight in Others
Day 24: Embracing the Dawn
Day 25: Saying No and Letting Go of the Guilt

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8 comments

  1. Love your prayer: “God, help me become smaller and continue to fill me with Your presence, so that I might love everyone I meet as You do.” I might write it down and pray it myself. How incredible it would be if we were all so obedient and selfless to love as He does 🙂 Thanks again for posting such an encouraging blog.

  2. Pingback: 31 Days of Facing My Fears: Day 27 Doing what I Have to Do | Be Not Afraid

  3. Pingback: 31 Days of Facing My Fears: Day 28 Snow in October | Be Not Afraid

  4. Pingback: 31 Days of Facing My Fears: Day 28 Snow in October | Be Not Afraid

  5. Pingback: 31 Days of Facing My Fears: Day 29 People Should Know | Be Not Afraid

  6. Pingback: 31 Days of Facing My Fears: Day 30 Finding Myself Surrounded in Beauty | Be Not Afraid

  7. Pingback: 31 Days of Facing My Fears: Day 31 Keeping Faith and Hope Alive | Be Not Afraid

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