Be Not Afraid

Hospital Update/Prayer Request

I’m coming once again humbly to all of you asking for your prayers.  Last night after a few days of running a very high fever (and having almost no white blood cells-the kind that fight off infection, and almost no red blood cells-the kind that carry oxygen through our body) I was admitted to the hospital.  So far they’ve give me fluids and a blood transfusion, and I’m starting to feel a little bit better.  Unfortunetly, they also removed my PICC line (the permanent IV line that is supposed to stay in my right arm as an access for blood and chemo throughout my treatment).  They removed it because when a cancer patient is running a high fever and having some other pretty awful side effects as I was, there is a chance that the PICC line has become infected.  (It is a foreign substance in your body, after all).

While the removal of the PICC line wasn’t so bad, getting my first PICC line in on March 1st before I started chemo was traumatic.  I don’t think I can say it’s the most painful procedure that I’ve had done, but it’s painful and mentally dificult, as you must stay perfectly still for quite some time as you feel the line being thread up your arm.  Eeck!   Just writing that out makes me shiver!  I wish I were braver, but I’m really, really scared to have this procedure done again today.  If you would pray for me to be strong, and for the doctor’s hands to be swift and steady I would be so grateful.  Please also pray that my fever runs down and I’m able to come home soon!!  I miss my baby boy so much.

On another note, I finally had time to responsd to all of the wonderful comments left on this blog.  Thank you so much to those of you who took the time to comment!  I’m sorry it took me so long to respond.  The length of time I took to respond does not accurately represent how much your comments mean to me.  This cancer journey is mentally and physically exhausting, and at times lonely, and your encouragement means more than I can ever say.  And to those of you who have written me on facebook or by email, I’m slowly getting to responding to all of your wonderful messages, too.  Thank you for being patient with me, and again thank you for taking the time to write.  It brightens my day so much to hear from you!

Love you all,

Allison

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17 comments

  1. I just turned on my computer after journaling, saw your post and realized that it’s appropriate that I wrote this prayer for you today…
    “…that You would comfort and strengthen her— that she’d feel Your deep love in the darkest times.”
    I love you Alli, and will continue to pray.

  2. Elena

    Ali!

    I am praying for you today and have been throughout this process. You keep saying you are so weak, but I think the opposite is true. You’ve been so strong, being able to give to others despite this very challenging time. The fact that you even take the time to respond to every person’s message to you is amazing to me. I admire you.

    As always, please let me know if there is any way in which I can lend a helping hand, from bringing groceries or dinner or running an errand… I am happy to do what I can to make things a little easier for you and Mike.

    I look to the day when I can meet John Paul and we can sing together again. I’ve been listening to the music that you posted and am so encouraged by all the positive messages your songs send. I can learn a great deal from you.

    I admire you and hope you stay strong. We love you Allison.

    Love,

    Elena

    • Thank you so very much for your sweet message Elena! I am so looking forward to singing with you again too. We have a great back yard patio…you have to come over sometime and we’ll play our guitars and sing! I can’t believe I still haven’t heard your songs….I would love to!

  3. Pam Keating

    Ali
    We are all praying that this will be a short short hospital stay and that you get a really good doc to do that PICC line. We love you Ali Don, Pam and all the Keatings.

  4. Auntie Karen

    Ali,

    I think you got your love of the orange crunchy cheeto from your aunt. I confess I love those orange morsels. This goes back to grade school. One day, a boy in my class, Tom Bong, said to me, “You must be smoking a lot, Karen. Your fingers are yellow from the nicotine.” Not wanting to admit the truth, and also wanting to be cool at a time when we all did sneek cigarettes, I said, “Yeah. I have to cut back.” I hope I fooled him as I did not want to admit these yellowish fingers were cheeto stains!

    Praying for you Allison. Always, but especially more today with the Pic line trauma at hand. You will get through it. Our thoughts about something are often much worse than the actual event itself. You are the bravest soul I know and I know you will get through this brief setback and get fab news from the next Pet scan. Love you and Mike and John Paul. Tell Mike his blog was wonderful. I was speechless (commentless) after his tender post.

    Aunt Karen

    • Auntie Karen!! Haha…I never knew of your love for Cheetos! So funny!!

      Thank you for your message and for everything while I was home in Wisconsin. It was so wonderful to see you and Uncle John! I love you guys so much!

  5. sylvia krause

    Dear Ali,
    We are praying for you daily. You are the bravest person I know and God will protect you. I think of you often. Looking forward to the day I will meet you. You must take after your mother since I think she is amazing. I am so lucky to have her as a friend.
    Sylvia Krause

  6. Fr. Dan

    So I concelebrated the 10:45 mass here at St. Thomas this morning. And Fr. Bill kept quoting Jesus, “Do not let your hearts be troubled!” Of course I know that is true, and I suspect that if we ever understood the truth of our Creation and our God’s love for us for even a second. . .well, I’m sure our hearts would not be troubled. But this life is scary! There are things we can’t control, and suffering hurts and is awful. Jesus never said we wouldn’t suffer, and he certainly knows what suffering is like, so how can we not be troubled in the midst of pain and fear?

    Well, Fr. Bill also talked about someone he has been visiting who is sick, and she had the most beautiful image of her suffering. She said she was not afraid of it, because she wasn’t facing pain and uncertainty – Jesus stands between her and the pain, between her and the suffering, between her and fear of the unknown. What a beautiful image – Jesus has conquered sin and suffering and even death, and he stands between those things and us.

    Now this doesn’t mean we don’t suffer, and that things like pic lines don’t hurt. But it does mean we can take comfort in the fact that we are never alone, and that even when we suffer – especially when we suffer – our Lord is very close to us. May you feel Jesus’ presence and know his peace, and strengthened by his grace, may you have courage to stand up to everything scary in this world.

    Peace, friend.

    • Fr. Dan,
      Thank you so much for this beautiful response. I loved reading it when I was in the hospital. You have a wonderful way with words. Thank you for reminding me of how Jesus is with us in suffering, perhaps even more so than at other times. I was so comforted by your words and remembering this truth helped as they put the PICC line in…..THANK YOU.

      I miss you and am praying for you all the time. JP can’t wait to meet you!

  7. Fran Hazel

    Hi Allison and Michael, I have been praying for both of you and will continue to do so—–With all these people praying for you— GOD WILL LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love You both!!!!

  8. Barbara Ryan

    Allison – I just read your post about the pic line…and that is days past. I hope that it was not too traumatic.
    Thoughts of you run through my mind frequently, and sometimes at odd times.
    Today, as I came to L’Arche, I saw John S. at the dining room table and began to sing “Happy Birthday” to him (he’s 70 today!) and then thought (“hmmm Allison would do a much better job with this. ” I have a terrible singing voice).
    And when Walton cracks a joke in Spanish (I know it’s a joke because everyone laughs…not usually because I get it!) I think of the lovely article you wrote about him.

    As we support folks here with ills (and you asked for prayer requests…there’s one for you!) I realize how important being supported by words and actions are. Know that the people who are with you are but a small number of the many folks holding you in prayers.
    Barbara

    • Thank you so much for thinking of me, Barbara. I loved hearing about L’Arche! I miss it so very much and can’t wait until I’m feeling better and can come visit!

      Thank you for your prayers, and for your prayer request. I will continue to keep L’Arche in my prayers, as always.

  9. Pingback: In My Garden | Be Not Afraid

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